Oooo, this is why I don't like winter. I am husbandless for the majority of the weekends. He has friends here, or is at friend's houses, or is snowmobiling. It's nice that he has that opportunity. But, I would like more opportunity to do something I enjoy. I get taken on snowmobile type outings. They are ok, but I am so tired by them...and they are really something Deric enjoys doing, not me. He gets mad whenever I say that. He threatens to get rid of the snowmobiles. The reality is that I know he would make my life miserable for it. So, I never let him.
I am taking a "Square foot Gardening" class with my friend Heidi. It's four weeks long and runs an hour and a half on Wednesdays. I think it will be fun. :-) Then I can better utilize my garden this year. This will at least break up the mundane weeks through mid-February.
I told Deric we should take a dance class...he wasn't interested. He says there are too many things he already wishes he could do and doesn't have the time for. Those things don't include me. Not that he said that, it's just the reality of it. I grow sad sometimes at how much we don't spend time with each other. But, really, our interests don't overlap in many areas. Camping is one thing we do enjoy doing together. Other than that, we spend a lot of time in front of the TV. I had always hoped to pretty much ban that from my house. A movie on occasion was fine...But, again, it is the reality of things. I do enjoy "Chuck" and "The Big Bang Theory" however.
I want to get my pictures printed so that I can start on Molly's scrapbook and our new year's scrapbook. I want to get the Millersburg pictures too...I would love to sit and write up that book. Anywho...
I am just sad today. Things looks so gloomy when it is smoggy and foggy outside. Not much of a day to enjoy. The air is so bad that if you go out in it it is like smoking a cigarette. One thing about Utah I truly despise. Oh well, such is life sometimes...
I do love my life. There are just some things that aren't perfect.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Your disastrous day of snowmobiling Saturday makes this post even more poignant. Your thoughts in this journal entry have a bipolar feel; it seems like you have lots to figure out. It takes time to achieve balance, especially when more than one person is involved. Find out what makes you feel satisfied, what you need to be happy. What is missing? Is it just that you want to spend more time with Deric? Or could it be that you want recognition for your opinions and suggestions? These are just initial questions that should lead to many more as you work toward perfection....
ReplyDeleteThanks Mary. I feel sometimes that I am half a person in each end of the spectrum. I am needing to spend more time with Deric other than watching tv every night. I want him to realize I'm not broken, and that I work hard every day for this family and sacrifice myself. I want to feel like my work matters, that Deric notices just how difficult my life really is. But, no matter how I try it just doesn't get across. I feel like I should be the one to make everything balance just so all the time...He really is a wonderful guy. He does let me know he couldn't find anyone like me if he tried. But somehow it just isn't enough. I dunno, winter does this to me, I spiral into a self destruction around February every year. Which is the only reason I think Valentine's Day is a great holiday. Haha!
ReplyDelete